The silhouette of a VTuber model next to the word \'VTuber\' and a floating question mark. A brain filled with a raindow of colours symbolizing neurodiversity awareness.

El Magnifico

Sun 2026-02-01

Trigger warnings: stalking themes; bullying; humiliation; rejection; mental health crisis; PTSD; suicidal ideation.

Unspoken Rules: A personal story

One kind gesture, one terrible miscommunication—this is the story of how a simple act revealed to me the painful gap between neurodivergent and neurotypical minds. It is how I learned I have autism. It also explores how people may see boundaries differently and how jumping to conclusions can lead to lasting trauma, not just deep hurt, but actual post-traumatic stress. Just to be clear, this is me sharing my own thoughts and experiences, the only viewpoint I can speak about confidently, so it will probably come off as a bit self-centred.

I’m sharing this account not to assign blame but to explain my story, in the hope that it might help others navigate similar misunderstandings. I’ve done my best to be fair in recounting my experience, but I know I’m not a perfect narrator. My goal is not to attack anyone—only to explain my perspective and the pain this situation has caused me.

Table of Contents

  1. Unspoken Rules: What I didn’t understand until I learned I’m autistic
  2. Looking Back on Better Days
  3. When a Gift Went Wrong
  4. Reaching Out
  5. The Morning After
  6. Seeing It All Recorded
  7. Mutual Misunderstanding: When Neither Side Gets It
  8. Struggling with the Immediate Aftermath (Symptoms)
  9. Trying to Share My Side
  10. What Others Said
  11. Mixed Feelings
  12. The Role Autism Played
  13. Reflections and Moving Forwards
  14. Conclusion
  15. Postscript: Supporting Autistic Individuals

Looking Back on Better Days

“Esmeralda” is a professional streamer. I've been a fan of her streaming for years and have sent her gifts—especially when she's been feeling unwell—like chocolates, hot chocolate powder, bath salts, books, and kind messages. I knew she would enjoy these gifts because she had mentioned her favourite things during her streams. None of these cost a lot, and I thought it was nicer to do this instead of sending an insignificant cash tip. I sent these gifts to the PO Box she advertised. Everything sent to that PO Box was forwarded to her house.

At first, I was nervous about reaching out, so the only interaction I had was sending letters and gifts. Eventually, I started e-mailing her, and she told me how much she enjoyed my gifts. I joined her Discord community and chatted with her during streams. This was a positive change for me since I don’t have an offline social life.

As time went on, my letters started to express my love for Victoriana; formally written on perfumed paper. I feel more comfortable with formal language; many autistic people do. I didn’t know that I was autistic at the time, so I had no reason to consider that I might think differently, or that she’d see it as anything other than playfully expressing my own style. I did exaggerate the formality a bit for comedic effect. She said they were well worded and made her giggle.

I never mentioned to her that the Regency, Victorian, and Georgian periods were a special interest of mine, or why I was adding scents to things. I assumed it was clear, and she always seemed happy, appreciative, and encouraging. If she ever hinted at not liking anything it went over my head, but to the best of my knowledge that never happened. I now know that having special interests and failing to understand hints and social cues are both autistic traits.

I sent her gifts every few months and chatted with her on stream every fortnight or so, but it wasn't always regular—sometimes I'd talk to her a lot in one week, and then not again for a month or two.

One year for her birthday, I gave her a digital drawing I had created of her. It might seem a bit bold, since her nipples were visible through the t-shirt, but it was well within what appeared to be her comfort zone. She constantly used very explicit language and humour, and would talk about pornographic clothing she had. Luckily, I was right—Esmeralda loved the drawing! The people in her Twitch chat thought it was hilarious too, and I felt good knowing I really got her sense of humour.

I gave Esmeralda this for one of her birthdays.

I got involved in other communities on the same streamer network, and engaged in events like secret Santa. I also found I really enjoyed helping others with their issues, such as fixing software problems or giving feedback on things people had created. It made me feel like less of a burden to society.

I made this for secret santa one year. This was part of a different community to Esmeralda's but on the same streamer network.

So far, everything seemed to be going well. My interactions with Esmeralda seemed ordinary, occasionally, but rewarding for the both of us. I really enjoyed the community ties I was building and meeting and helping new people. Then, all of a sudden, things changed.

When a Gift Went Wrong

I went on the courier’s website to check whether something had been received and saw what I assumed to be Esmeralda’s real address. I didn’t want to know it, and I certainly wasn’t trying to find it. Even though I was worried that this might ruin our distant friendship—especially after so many rejections in my life—I felt I had to tell her. I understood that she used the PO Box as she was afraid some people might hurt her if they found out where she lived.

After weeks of feeling unsure how to tell her—I really didn’t know what to do—I decided to send her a message along with flowers and chocolates, hoping to appeal to her love for nature and sweet things. I really wanted Esmeralda to feel like someone kind and trustworthy was reaching out to her, i.e. not someone that would want to hurt her. I thought she might be caught off guard by the message, but I didn’t think she’d blame me for what happened. I wasn’t responsible for the leak; I was simply trying to inform her.

The message said:

“Esmeralda, if you're reading this then I'm sorry to say that <courier> leaked your personal address to me. I've been umming and arring about how best to tell you for a while now, and I figured at least this way you get some nice flowers out of it. -El Mag”

This was the gift that went wrong.

It's hard to believe that I was actually excited the day the message was supposed to arrive because I thought she would appreciate how thoughtfully I was delivering bad news. I kept checking the website to see if the message had arrived, and when it finally did, I went on Twitter to see if she had posted anything. She had—she wrote that something terrible had happened, she was scared, and she wasn't sure if she could continue being a content creator.

A cold, heavy knot formed in my stomach, and I started trembling so badly I had trouble typing. The shaking didn’t stop for over an hour. During that time, I apologised on Twitter, tried to explain what I had done, and offered to talk with her if she wanted. I did all those things in public. No one seemed to understand how I felt. A friend of hers asked me to delete my posts stating that Esmeralda had been vague in her messages on purpose. The friend seemed to imply that my clear posts were causing a problem, so I agreed and removed them. Soon after, she blocked me on Twitter (thus preventing me from replying to anything). Up to that point, I had still expected that we would have a talk about what happened and what would happen next, either in public or private.

Next:

Prosecuted in my absence and convicted without a defence, I lost a lot of friends that day—people who seemed to like me, including another streamer. I wasn't (and haven’t been) sent one message by any of them. I was a wreck, lost and in pain, trying to figure out how my choices had caused such a big reaction. I began to come up with reasons: maybe Esmeralda only got the flowers and chocolates but not the message, or maybe she thought the delivery person was me in person at her door.

I went downstairs and told my parents that I had done something they wouldn't be proud of. After I explained everything, they comforted me and said I hadn't done anything wrong; they thought it was just a misunderstanding because of subcultural differences.

Reaching Out

When I went back upstairs, I got an e-mail from Dave. It seems Esmeralda had given him my e-mail address. He told me I had done something really terrible and that she didn’t feel comfortable with me any more. He said that I crossed a line by using her real address, that I should never contact her again, and he told me to move on with my life.

I was genuinely confused about this boundary issue. I already had her address—I hadn’t sought it out or wanted it. From my perspective, the real problem was that her address had been leaked, not that I had sent something there. I struggled to understand why sending a gift to the same physical location as before—something that had never been an issue—was now seen as crossing a line.

I asked how Esmeralda would feel about talking about what happened openly, making it clear that I wanted us both to be honest, just like I tried to do on Twitter. He told me not to talk about it at all, even if people asked, to avoid upsetting Esmeralda and to keep others from causing more harm. He said it was up to Esmeralda if she wanted to talk about it. One rule for her, another for me.

This situation seemed awful for both of us, but I felt that my own feelings were being overlooked. I mentioned how one-sided this felt, how being told to stay silent makes me stressed, and I asked for more details about the harm he mentioned. I added that I understood if Esmeralda needed time to answer, and that while I wasn’t sure I had done anything wrong, I appreciated his view on how it affected her.

Dave replied that it wasn’t about my feelings but about Esmeralda's, since I had disrespected her boundaries and privacy. He said if I really respected her, I should have the decency not to talk about it ever again. It felt like they were trying to bury the situation, turning it into a dirty secret, and forcing me into silence.

I streamed between the last two e-mails because I had already committed to it, didn’t want to let my viewers down, and felt compelled by routine (I get anxious when I break routines). It was incredibly difficult to pretend to be happy when all I wanted was to hide under my covers and wait for the world to end.

I didn’t know that I was autistic back then, but now I know that sticking to a routine and feeling anxious when things change is something many autistic people experience.

That evening, I phoned my best friend to share what had happened. He was very supportive. While my parents are lovely people, they aren’t the type I could discuss my emotions with for over an hour, so this was very cathartic.

Overall, that day was a mix of trying to maintain normalcy while being confronted by messages that I found painfully hurtful and the reality of losing my place in several communities. I recognise that in the heat of the moment, my actions might have been misunderstood, yet the manner in which I was treated left me feeling isolated and overwhelmed.

The Morning After

Using a different account, I checked her Twitter page. I was taken aback to see her framing the situation as a romantic pursuit—something I had never intended. While I can see how the flowers might have been misinterpreted, they were meant as a sympathetic gesture, which I had already explained in my message, on Twitter, and via e-mail. I had even deliberately avoided sending roses to prevent any romantic connotations. None of my past interactions with her had ever been flirtatious, and I had often joked about the one-sided nature of our connection. Furthermore, Esmeralda probably never expected me to see those posts. In other words, I was never directly told whether it was the use of her real address, a romantic misunderstanding, or something else entirely that led to my ostracisation.

The replies from the community really hurt. They used words like “creep”, “crazy”, “stalker”, and even suggested I should be reported to the police. They said things like “nobody should be treated like this” and that I was “obsessively chasing after a parasocial relationship”, as well as calling me “human garbage.” While these comments were notionally anonymous, I had already said sorry publicly, so everyone knew they were about me, and they were being read by hundreds of people.

It's clear that the community now sees me as a predator who wants to harm Esmeralda, and maybe other women too. Those who prey on women are despised by all, and being seen this way makes me feel like some kind of monstrous vermin and an empty shell of a man. Nothing in life prepared me for this.

Seeing It All Recorded

After a difficult few weeks — feeling like this was all my fault, and nothing will ever be the same again — I finally decided to watch the recording of her first stream after the incident. I had been putting it off to protect my then fragile mental health.

Many of the things she said seemed aimed at creating a story that downplayed any connection we had and make me sound like an unwelcome and unpleasant person:

At one point, she said, “This keeps happening to me.” I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. Was it a reference to stalking, privacy breaches, or something else entirely? As someone on the autistic spectrum—even though I didn’t know that at the time—interpreting vague statements can be challenging, leaving me uncertain whether she saw me as part of a larger pattern of threatening behaviour or if she was reacting primarily to the address leak itself.

Other remarks twisted my words and actions:

At one point, she mentioned that she didn't expect me to show up at her house, but “you just don’t know”. Then she mentioned searching for a new house, which led me to believe she saw me as an ongoing threat. That thought was devastating. I became convinced that I’d ruined her life. Brief glances at later recordings show that she never moved, but the effect of her words—and the guilt they instilled—still feel very real. Today, I’m unsure whether she truly felt unsafe when she said that or was just exaggerating the effect on herself. Back then, I unquestioningly believed her.

The community turned on me again in that stream, with one person asking Esmeralda for my address as they were looking for me, ironically the very thing she apparently feared I’d do to her.

While Esmeralda avoided naming me, I had already publicly apologised. Furthermore, one of her viewers even criticised me for streaming on the same day that the message arrived. Thus, I clearly wasn’t anonymous, since they knew when I had streamed. Esmeralda agreed, saying, “Imagine feeling nothing”. It feels a bit contradictory; I received an e-mail telling me to move on with my life, yet I’m painted as a bad person for moving on too quickly. Though, in fact, this was when I was experiencing the worst of my depression.

As Esmeralda said she needed to move house, I sent one last apology e-mail to Dave to help her feel safer. I asked Dave to pass it along if he thought it might help. He’d previously made it clear that if I had anything to say to her I should do it through him. I don't know if she ever got it.

This was the apology e-mail I sent.

Mutual Misunderstanding: When Neither Side Gets It

I don’t think she ever understood what I was trying to do with the perfumed letters. I wanted to create something personal which fitted the Victorian style. I was sharing part of myself. I felt that her calling it body spray when it clearly wasn’t diminishes the gesture, as though I had just put cheap deodorant on the letters. It also makes me sad that she never said she didn't like the perfume; if I had known, I would have stopped immediately. The only responses she ever gave me were positive.

From an autistic point of view, understanding social interactions can be challenging, and this situation is no different. I've tried to understand her actions based on the reasons she has given, but they still don't make sense, which is really frustrating. In particular:

Looking back, it’s clear the situation was far more complex than I initially understood—especially regarding how my actions have been interpreted. While many view a personal address as sacrosanct, this difference between a PO Box and a personal address was lost on me. From my point of view, if both deliver to the same place (she had her PO Box forwarded to her house) and the leak wasn’t my fault, then reaching out should have been seen as a kind, informative gesture rather than an invasion of privacy. Moreover, there was already a long history of sending similar gifts—chocolates, letters, drawings—to the same physical location, and they had always been met with warmth and encouragement. I knew she used a PO Box because she was afraid of being attacked, yet it never occurred to me that my actions were precisely what she was trying to prevent.

I acknowledge that from her point of view this might have felt like an unexpected intrusion—though that was never my intent— and I do regret that it caused her distress. However, even now, I struggle to understand why her reaction was so extreme.

Struggling with the Immediate Aftermath (Symptoms)

Back then, I completely believed Esmeralda’s version of events, other than knowing that I didn’t have any romantic feelings. As someone with autism, I depend on others to be truthful about social situations because I often don’t understand them myself. This makes me pretty easy to influence.

For months, I was overwhelmed by depression and guilt. In my darkest hours, I wrote about a despair that felt both self-imposed and inescapable—an agony made worse by knowing that my honest mistake had led to such a harsh response. At my lowest, I didn’t want to be here any more.

I’ll talk about what got me past these dark times and why I was writing about it soon, but for now, here are some of my ongoing symptoms:

I’ve visited the doctors to seek help, and they say I’m suffering from a degree of post-traumatic stress. I’ve written about it HERE.

This is a doodle I drew to express how I was feeling about six months after the incident; interpret it however you like.

Trying to Share My Side

Keeping what happened a secret made me really anxious—like I had done something terrible and was just waiting for my friends and fans to find out and abandon me. I began working on a YouTube video to share my side of the story more openly—that’s why I was writing—with the names changed to protect identities.

After discussing an early draft with my best friend, he suggested I might be neurodivergent. At first, I brushed it off and said my struggles with socialising were because I didn't get enough good social interaction when I was young, but he was right—I found out I'm autistic. I've written about my autism diagnosis journey and living with autism HERE. I now understand that my difficulty in socialising as a child was actually because I am autistic.

However, when my family and other friends saw the video, they urged me to refrain from publishing it, fearing damage to my reputation. This pressure only reinforced my feeling of being trapped and silenced.

I know my autism has contributed to my difficulty in understanding unstated social norms—but what truly frightened me was that people might refuse to acknowledge that link, instead seeing me simply as a weirdo trying to cover up my mistakes. I kept thinking about telling my story openly, but every time, fear held me back. Will people hate me for it? Will they twist my words? Will speaking out make things worse? I don’t want to stay silent, but I don’t know if I have the strength to risk the fallout.

What Others Said

When I showed my video, I received a wide range of responses. Some people reassured me:

“You shouldn’t punish yourself. Your intentions weren’t selfish, they weren’t thoughtless, and they weren’t aggressive. You were performing an act of kindness.”

“What you did was unwise; what she did was wrong.”

Some people sympathised with Esmeralda:

“Esmeralda didn't do anything wrong because she was scared for her safety. The real issue was the people around her. They were already in the wrong for believing everything they were told without checking the facts, and bullying you online just makes it worse.”

Others were more critical but still felt the reaction against me was excessive:

“I believe it was a mistake to send flowers and chocolates right to her home instead of just sending a message. I understand why they reacted the way they did, especially since there are some really unsafe people out there, but I can't help but think they might have enjoyed the drama a bit. There were nicer ways they could have dealt with it.”

Some questioned Esmeralda’s handling of the situation:

“If she genuinely believed a deranged person was going to show up at her house, why was her first response pulling out all the stops to get them banned from as many social platforms as possible? Provoking them would be the worst possible response.”

“They need to keep a professional distance. That definitely isn't going ‘oh no poor me, someone's sent me flowers, I'm so oppressed. Like and subscribe’ the moment anyone crosses a line their channel benefits from pretending doesn't exist. I’m not saying that’s definitely what happened, but ostracising someone without an explanation is a terrible thing to do, especially when their income depends on forming parasocial relationships with people.”

“Your choice was unfortunate; receiving such an unsolicited gift at home, especially when the address was private, was likely unsettling. At the same time, as a public figure—especially one accustomed to accepting gifts—these things will happen, and she still bears a responsibility to her fans. Her response, in my view, lacked courtesy, grace, kindness, and respect. It was despicable.”

And then there were those who viewed Esmeralda’s actions in an even harsher light:

“Her actions were unreasonable and hateful; a thank you and a warning not to do it again would have sufficed.”

“It’s a shame you didn’t see her for what she was sooner: spiteful, selfish, and cruel; perhaps even sadistic.”

“Ultimately, it seems you've mistaken a 'professional' streamer fostering parasocial relations for cash, for genuine friendship and ended up in a Black Mirror Live Action Role Play.”

Opinions were all over the place—some in the community had insisted I should be reported to the police, while certain friends and family described her as sadistic. Hearing so many perspectives changed how I felt. My depression became less constant, but I was left feeling deeply conflicted.

Mixed Feelings

One of the hardest things is not knowing what’s true. Was I manipulated, or was I unknowingly hurtful? Did she truly value our distant friendship, or were her sweet words just a way to keep me engaged until it was no longer convenient? Perhaps she had experienced previous breaches of her privacy, making her especially sensitive to this kind of situation—or maybe she simply exploited it for sympathy.

I feel deeply betrayed. For years, I occasionally sent her chocolates, and she always said she loved them. For years, I sent her letters, and she giggled at my words. Not once did she hint that she saw me as anything other than an appreciated fan. Then, overnight, I was treated like a creepy weirdo. While I want to forgive, I cannot ignore the profound impact of a response that, in my experience, far exceeded any reasonable reaction.

With the contradictions between Dave’s words, her words, and her actions, compounded by my autistic perspective—and her sudden ghosting—I’ll probably never know. People I trust have given me conflicting answers, and I find myself going back and forth, unable to settle on what to believe, which makes it difficult to move on. I share these thoughts not to dictate how others should feel, but to convey the depth of hurt I continue to endure.

The Role Autism Played

I realise that many neurotypical individuals place a higher emotional value on the use of a personal address than I did back then. My autistic perspective had always been more literal: if two addresses lead to the same physical location, then why should one be treated so differently? This fundamental difference in how we interpret privacy remains one of the most confusing—and painful—aspects of this experience. That said, it is worth noting though that no two autistic people are exactly the same. Although I believe that undiagnosed autism played a big part in what happened to me, it doesn't mean that other autistic people would think or feel in the same way or face exactly the same challenges.

Recently, someone I spoke to about the situation accused me of “blaming my actions on neurodivergence”, on the grounds that since I knew to inform Esmeralda about the address leak in the first place, I must have known that what I was doing was wrong. To that I say: understanding why someone wouldn't want their address made publicly available differs from realising that your actions might cause you to be perceived as a threat. The first is about being aware that one person somewhere in the world might do something unpleasant; the second is about understanding that what you’re doing might make others see you as overstepping. I believed I was doing something kind and as such never saw my actions as wrong. I still find it hard to understand why people see it differently, but many people have told me that this is the case, and I accept that.

Furthermore, suppose I had understood that my behaviour was wrong—which I didn't. In that case, what was I trying to accomplish? If it was romance, why would I think it could succeed knowing it was wrong? Obviously, I wouldn’t. The truth is, I wasn’t trying to romance Esmeralda and genuinely didn’t realise my actions would upset her. Almost everyone I’ve spoken to since agrees that my actions weren't a good idea. If this difference in understanding isn’t related to autism, I don't know what explanation would make sense.

With that said, perhaps the biggest role autism has played has been my complete and utter inability to cope with the fallout.

Autistic people tend to have a strong sense of fairness which they also tend to see in black-and-white terms, often becoming hyper-focused on injustice. They may see minor unfairness as intolerable and react intensely to perceived violations of rules and morals, driven by a desire for moral perfection. This can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, anger, and sadness over even small mistakes.

I struggle with PTSD and depression resulting from the fallout to this day, more than a year later. Neurotypical people often feel sorry for me, but struggle to understand how this can be. From the feedback I've received, it seems that some people imagine I think I am owed something from Esmeralda. Whether they mean revenge, an apology, compensation, or something else I am not sure. Others have tried to explain to me why questions of breaking the law arose, suggesting that I might not have been honest about how much contact I have had with her since Dave told me not to, as if I had been persistently contacting her. This couldn’t be farther from the truth. I’m not looking for anything from her. Furthermore, it was over quickly. Most of it happened on just that one day, and the only attempt I have made to contact her since then was that one apology e-mail three weeks later that I sent through the proper indicated channels. It's not like I've been harassing anybody, which if I had could explain these claims of breaking the law. I don’t understand why I’ve been treated the way I have, I feel there has been a great injustice, and this my autistic mind struggles to cope with.

On top of that, it appears the network has taken her version of events at face value. For example, I’ve supported the network’s charity work every year in the past, but since I’ve been blocked from many of the channels across the streaming network, it’s effectively become impossible to do so. I’ve tried reaching out to the network through their official published channels, but have been repeatedly left feeling ignored and invalidated. That’s a story for another time if I ever choose to write about it.

Being ostracised and dæmonised is a nightmare for me, and you will find that this a very common experience among autistic people, as this is often a repeating pattern throughout their lives. Moving on is what I want to do, and that is why I’ve started counselling.

Reflections and Moving Forwards

"How happy is the blameless vestal’s lot!
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind!"
– from Eloisa to Abelard by Alexander Pope

Alexander Pope’s Eloisa to Abelard explores the pain of memory and the desire for oblivion. While the poem as a whole deals with romantic love, these lines stand apart as a reflection on the weight of the past and the longing to forget painful experiences. I sometimes wish I could erase the memory of all this—to let go of the confusion, the pain, the unanswered questions; but I can’t. Part of the trauma seems to be reliving what happened every day until the things that didn’t make sense become clear. I think, although I’m not sure, that my brain mistakenly sees the situation as a threat to life. Humans aren’t very good at surviving alone, and in the past, being kicked out of a community would have meant death. I believe my brain is trying to learn as much as possible from this experience without putting me through the same thing again. I perceive it as greatly distressing, I want to move on with my life, but my brain won’t let me. I have all these thoughts, but I don’t know what to do with them, and the trauma persists.

I'm also mourning the relationships that I've lost. It really hurts to know that people I cared about and thought about are now out of my life, and if I ever did reach out, they would hate me.

Furthermore, it hurts that almost everyone I’ve spoken to seems so adamant that what I did was wrong when to me it wasn't obvious at all. I wish I had known. I wouldn't have done it if I had known. THIS IS WHAT AUTISM REALLY LOOKS LIKE. It's not just being a bit awkward; it's a daily struggle to understand other people's point of view and to follow society’s unspoken rules. People’s reactions—fear and disgust—both leave one feeling isolated and fuels a deep sense of self-loathing.

Even so, the actions taken against me—from public shaming to the complete erasure of my voice—felt, to me, like an excessive and punitive response. Imagine you were caught throwing rubbish on the ground, and someone responded by cutting off your hand. Then, when you went to the police for help, they said, "Well, you were littering," and didn't do anything about it. Esmeralda could have just cut me out of her life, but she chose to do much more, and I don’t know why. Even though I made a mistake, do you think what she did to me was justified?

Conclusion

I share my story not to push a single conclusion, but to encourage understanding and highlight how disproportionate responses can cause lasting harm. Even now, I struggle with anxiety and intrusive thoughts because of what happened. The weight of being misjudged, ostracised, and seen as a danger by someone I (platonically) cared about is something I carry with me every day.

I don’t expect everyone to agree with me, and I realise that Esmeralda may have felt things I still don’t fully understand. However, if there’s one thing I truly wish, it’s that we could have spoken openly—before things spiralled out of control.

I hope sharing my experience opens the door to greater understanding—not just for those who feel misunderstood, but also for those who feel unsettled by the behaviour of others. Even though I remain deeply conflicted, I still believe that honest dialogue is the only way to bridge perspectives—no matter how uncomfortable or uncertain that process may be.

Postscript: Supporting Autistic Individuals

At first, I thought about leaving this next bit out because I didn't want to make Esmeralda look bad for no reason. However, the more I reflect on it, the more I believe this is an important story.

One of Esmeralda's close friends, “Abby”, has autism. A few days after the incident, Abby shared a clip from one of Esmeralda's streams where Esmeralda was talking about her friendship with Abby. In the clip, Esmeralda seemed to be showing off about how easygoing she is around autistic people and how Abby can act “weird” around her if she wants. At the time, I didn't realise I was autistic, but it felt hurtful that she had been intolerant towards me and then went out of her way to tell everyone how accepting she is.

It highlights how many well-meaning people don’t really know how to support autistic individuals or what it means to create a safe environment for them. You might argue that since Esmeralda didn’t know I was autistic, there's nothing she could have done, but that’s actually the point—often you won't know if someone is autistic. As in my case, they may not even know themselves. So, for our society to become more welcoming of autistic people, we need to promote good communication and not jumping to conclusions. These changes must apply to everyone. I've made some other suggestions HERE